the choice of many

Today I don’t want to tell you about sex, men or any of that. I’m bored of it. It seems that my life has been revolving around the subject for far too long. I want to write about the chase, but not mine.

Can a person be content without the thought of their next conquest?

I feel that I had become two dimensional, but even sitting here in this bar I can feel myself drawn to the eyes of strangers. Shit. I fall into the trap so easily, again and again. The eyes go past, lingering a little too long on my space in the window, and retreat back into the crowd. Maybe I even positioned myself at this prime spot for just this purpose, to pick up.

That’s sad, really sad.

In some ways I am a little ashamed about publishing such personal thoughts, these are things that I find hard to admit to myself even. It’s easier to pack them away and carry on as normal, pretending that I am a good person. I am in most ways, but that selfish draw to the next sexual accomplishment is fucking sad.

Maybe this program is a way of getting rid of my self-pitying cycle, to feel proud of myself in my personal life.

I am sitting watching this girl play the part that I have played many times before. I have to admit I think I would have executed the conquest much better than she. But it is interesting to watch the moves.

She’s having dinner with these two men, it probably started out as a casual drink but from her advances I can see she can persuade them easily. She swung between the two men who at first had no interest in her. She picked at their plates as they sat for dinner, making glutinous noises and lingering eyes at her victims while she grazed. Unfortunately her physique was such that she could not entice with her body, just the eyes. Then she had them both limp and it was crunch time, who to have. That’s the hardest decision, when you’ve been playing two or even three along, which one to continue the night with? You don’t want to damage your chances with the others if the one you chose falls short. It’s a tiring business, juggling all your options, all your players, maintaining there happiness and still continuing a little resistance in order to make them feel like it was their idea in the first place.

Poor girl, she looked tired as she left with the largest man.