OK, so read the bullshit that I wrote just a few days ago and saved to post up today.
I had no internet and couldn't post it up.
What a stupid wanker! It's really funny to think that one can fool oneself of a situation.
I'm not angry with myself. but I think it's quite a funny thing to look back on. The fact is I did it so easily. There was hardly any resistance. But that means I wanted to break the programme, in my heart of hearts I know I did manufacture this. I wanted it, made this happen. And I enjoyed every minute.
And over a cup of tea with a friend last night before I met with the particular, he predicted my fall.
I never like people being right. Ever.
But now I have to go on to say, if I had to be involved with any one, I'm glad in some ways that it was him.
I am also glad that I have withstood two months, and as you can see from the evidence, it has been very challenging.
I am really proud of my time, thought and discussion. I do think that I want to keep my sexuality close and a bit more sacred. God that does sound very like my mother. But it is true. It's been difficult and heartbreaking, but I have learnt a hell of a lot of stuff.
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