why are people right?

I haven’t concluded because I haven’t finished. And I haven’t written because there has been too little, yet too much to write about.

Things got easier and easier. The desire, the taste of impulse has died as it does with any sort of addiction. Yes, I can admit now that it was becoming an addiction. There was this haze around my sexual morals that wiped out anything that I cared about. So I guess in some ways it was an addiction. Although that word makes me feel fairly uneasy. I mean, Eureka Johnson was a sex addict. And I never found myself in really dodgy situations, more just stupid and uncomfortable ones. Ones where I knew I was hurting people and damaging any sort of friendship with my self.

Now I have plateau somewhat. The days of drawing people into a luscious sense of dark desire have died down. But still there burning, just a little. Now it has become much lighter, everything has. Even the common flirt. I can do it with who I want because I know there can be no continue into anything else.

The other day I met again with my rain man (ref. back to ‘Rain Man’ chapter) and there was a spark. I liked the spark because I could fantasise without any repercussions. He knows my situation, although with one touch on my arm he can make me weak. And he did as we were talking to a friend in the street. We were talking about work; the mundane chatter that happens on Friday lunchtime. Trying to finally round up the week and fill in time before you can peel back into lights and long walks in the dark and rain and bed. And all I could feel was his arm on mine and the longing of his touch sent me somewhere else.